dry...

every time i get trully thristy and reach for a drink, all i do is recoil at a mouth full of sand. i walk, work, sleep, play, run, and ride, but am i really living?

i walk, but don't move.

i run, but the scenery never changes.

i work, but i never finish.







i can feel the grit between my teeth...









i need some water.

sniffle sniffle

well, i cried for the first time in a about 2 years last night.


i felt the emo vibe coming on starting about a week ago like a pre-pubescent zit forming on the tip of my nose. and, much like the pimple, it came to a head last night.

working alone, one gets the opportunity to think a lot... a stinkin lot...

and all day, somehow, i managed to think about all the things in this world that i don't have. yeah, not super healthy, but it happened none the less.

i got home, fairly droopy and heftily depressed, locked myself in my room with a six-pack, my thoughts, and as much emo music as i could find, hoping to force and foster some sort of pimple popping conclusion or end to said depression.







turns out after beer #5 and and hour and a half, the only things i could think of were the things i DO have and the myriad of blessings God has showered on me that i don't deserve...

i definately ended the night crying, but not because i was depressed any more, but because i felt absurdly blessed.


then i went to sleep... naked...


it was fantastic.

Holy Crap!!!!!

it turns out i'm not dead!!! i definately can understand how people might think i am though... mark calls me all the time, and i never call him back (i have excuses, but i still feel like a dick)... MARK I LOVE YOU! and nick doesn't call me, but i love him anyway... moon has left a message or two, but i suck at phone tag...

on the bright side, and like i said before, i'm not actually dead... and my job is cool. being my own boss is pretty sweet. i definately was supposed to work today, and i woke up at about 8 and said 'screw this,' to myself and went back to bed. so that's cool...

oh yeah, AND i sold one of my pictures the other day! i got two pieces into a show here in the springs, and i actually sold one! what was cool too is that it was the first piece sold in the whole show! i walked in opening night and the curator congratulated me for what i thought, at the time, was for getting a couple pieces in the show, so i kinda shrugged it off as nothing. then i walked upstairs to check out some of the other pieces and i saw a sold tag one of mine... then i soiled myself... it was great.

other than that, all i've been doing is working, sleeping, exercising, eating and... well more sleeping.

mark still tries to get me to move to minnesota daily... its great! i get home and i almost always have a message from the guy about all the hot girls and sweet job opportunities. although i don;t think i'm at the point where i want to be moving again anytime in the near, near future, it's still nice to know that people are thinking of me.

i also started re-reading 'the brothers karamazov,'... IN GERMAN! just kidding, in english, but still... it's real thick. but thus far has been a totally satisfying read.

i have also been spending much time on the hammock. i only finally put it outside about 3 weeks ago, but i have probably logged about 20 hours on the think since then... as moses' experience with the LORD tells us, God is most clearly known in the soft whispers of the wind... and there's no better place to feel, hear and smell the presence of God than on a hammock... and it's pretty awesome for naps too...

but like i said, it seems as though i'm just kinda livin' life at the moment. not in a stale, stagnent water sort of sence, but in a goin' with the flow of God's leading sort a way. and it's been nice. very........ agreeable.


and after becoming a acreditted and sold artist, a small business owner, and hammock nap taker, i have God to thank. really we have Him to thank for everything, whether good or bad, black, white, or gray, whether shitty or awesome, we still have the gift of life, the sun, shy and stars... and when i bitch and moan about stupid crap, i remember everything i do have... and i kick myself in the nuts... so to speak...

and speaking of sun and sky, it's about 65 and sunny here, and road's callin'.

keep it real my friends, and hopefully more to come soon!