Fellas!

i just wanna take a second and show you one of my favorite pictures of all time of two of my favorite people of all time... on the left we have my buddy jeff, and on the right, josh. webb, finn, i hope you like the pic, i love you guys!

Christmas Again...

"christmas again. damn!" his words are barely audible but his wife knows his feelings as well. she sees the hurt come into his eyes when the kids come home from school talking about what they want for christmas. it is the same expression she sees on the faces of other unemployed fathers around the housing project.

she knows this year will be no different from the last. all her husband's hustle, his day-labor jobs, his pickup work will not be enough to put presents under thier gaunt tree. they will do well to keep the heat on. his confident, promising deceptions allow the children the luxury of their dreams a while longer. she will cover for him again because she knows he is a good man. his lies are his wishes, his flawed attempts to let his children know what the older ones already do know but never admit: the gifts are not from daddy.

he will not go with her to stand in the 'free toy' lines with all the others. he cannot bring himself to do it. it's too stark a reminder of his own impotence. and if thier home again is blessed this year with a visit from a christain family bearing food and beautifully wrapped presents for the kids, he will stay in the bedroom until they are gone. he will leave the smiling and graciousness to his wife. his joy for the children will be genuine... but so is the heavy ache in his stomach as his image of himself as a provider is dealt another painful blow.

christmas. that wonderful, awful time when giving hearts glow warm and bright while the fading embers of a poor man's pride are doused black.

with the christmas season finally in full swing, remember what christmas is.

Heavy...

doubt dances, flutters, screams, echos in the viscera of my brain pan. it is ironic that the unknown can be our greatest source of freedom as well as the strongest chains of captivity. i am a slave to the unwritten future and inevitable past. my scalp is baking and my skull is heavy.

Thanksgiving!

a couple of days ago, i had coffee with a fella i met at the homeless shelter where i volunteer. i was downtown, running some errands, and i saw him huddled up against a 3 foot statue of snoopy (we have 'em all over the place here in the springs, i think they are supposed to be artsy), trying to shield himself from the biting wind that courses through the streets in the evenings. we went inside starbucks and enjoyed a warm cup of hot chocolate together. i asked him what he was going to do for thanksgiving, whether or not he had some place to go, even if only to keep warm. he told me that sometimes he tries to make it south by this time, only this winter his back was acting up, and he could hardly walk a block without either passing out or vomiting all over himself. i told him that if he wanted, i would help him find a place to go. he declined, then told me that charity was the last thing he wanted, and that he'd be just fine. i was insistant on helping, and of course so were his insistant declinations of said help. he thanked me for the drink, and proceeded out the door, once again evolving into the chilling recesses of the cities dark bowels. i ate a three course meal fit-for-a-king today. i was warm, happy, full, and loved by all of my family and friends that were gathered around me. but i ask you? where was my friend? where were you?

so... what are you thankful for?

Hmm...

if Jesus came back today, and i mean right now, what do you think he would say to you? 'you're doing okay, but let's get back on track...' 'you need to stop _____ and quit doin' _____...' 'why don't you talk to ____ about me more...' what? what do you think he would say to you? well, i'll tell you what i think he would say, and it would be the same for everyone... '*your name*, i love you. i love you more than you will ever know. wanna hug?' that's what he would say. so buck up campers, 'cuz the love bus has plenty a' seats, and i plan on riding it all the way home.

Question...

am i the only one who thinks blind melon is awesome? i just heard that song 'no rain,' on the radio... holy moly! genius! seriously! oh man, so good. and what happened to them anyway? i mean, just *poof* up in smoke, just like that. hey, blind melon? fellas? yeah, i'm talkin' to you. if you guys can hear me, please come back, we need more melon on this planet. seriously, i love watching the puddles gather rain and keeping my change and tea for two and all that!!! come back!

A mind is a terrible thing to waste...

why do some of the most powerful and potent intellects inevitably become imprissioned in the ivory tower? what is it that calls them there? is it a whisper, or a shriek that bids them 'come'? more importantly, who is it that will rescue them from themselves, from thier pride, thier vainglory, thier inaction? show me your faith without deeds, and i will show you my faith by what i do. marx put it best when he mused, 'the philosophers have merely interpreted the world, the point, however, is to change it.' reason, like faith, in and of itself is commendable, but without mitzvah, it means nothing. so a simple caveat to those who believe thier intellectual pursuits are the key to opening the delicate buds of mankind's best... sitting on your ass daydreaming about the hopeless plight of humanity does nothing, get off your butt and get to work, 'cuz the world ain't curing itself.

I love shoes!!!!

actually, i don't really like shoes as much as the title of this article suggests... but i couldn't pass up this deal!!! as some of you know, i LOVE shopping at thrift stores. not only do you find aweseme vintage stuff, but its great for people who are on subsidized health-care, like me, if you know what i mean... i found these at my local ARC, and i love em! the best part, of course, is that they were $4.99! now i'm up to 4 pairs of shoes: these awesome things, a pair of la sportiva hiking boots, my chaco sandals, and my vasque cross-trainers!!!! i may not be wealthy, but today i was rich in spirit!!!!

Yea! I have friends!!!

a friend of mine, mark , has come out to visit me in colorado! we have done much chipotle burrito eating, gun shooting, exploring, and all around general fun having. its great to have him here! and check out his blog... very fantastic! http://markisawesome.blogspot.com/

I likey...

i love photography! i'm trying to put together a portfolio for kicks and giggles... here's some of the stuff. none of it is great, but you work with what you have, right?

Found out what SLIZUNK meant.

if anyone is curious... and who is this tyrone? sounds tough. don't wanna see him in a dark alley.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=splizunk&r=f

Friend!!!!

i would love all out there to meet my friend, jon moon. despite his inebriated countenance, he is actually... eh, what am i saying? he's a complete lush. why are the pretty ones always so stupid... nevertheless, kudos on the costume... much craft and deliberation must have created that one. mmm, mmm, mmm, i do love box wine.



and once more for good measure...



eh, why not one more?



thats hott...



notice the belt buckle...

Question...

why do many liberals hate guns? hell, i voted for nader in 2000 and kerry this year, but i love guns, they're fantastic!

Confusing new word...

today i heard the use of a word i have never heard before... SPLIZUNK. i was quite confused as to its connotation and dennotation. perhaps someone out there could enlighten me to the definition and usage of the word...

Just a thought...

i was just thinking... i really like tennis and Dave Matthews Band. they're both super-great!

Question...

how many people do you know that are truly comfortable in thier own skin? i mean TRULY comfortable... i'm not talking about someone who puts on a good guise of self-assurance, i am speaking of someone who is, at all times, totally cool with who and what they are. i know of no one that fits this description. someone told me once that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was making the world believe he wasn't real. i think the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was giving me eyes to see the people i wanted to be more than me.

Afternoon thought...

why is it that i have no problem giving and exhibiting love to my peers, friends, and family, only when it is my turn to accept it back in return, i cannot? have i deemed myself un-lovable? do i see myself as undeserving? do i not like being charity (even though that isn't what it is)? and why is this true especially with God? i would like nothing more than to have a reciprocal love relationship with God, only when it is my turn to acquiesce His favor, grace, and love, i cannot. why does this paradox hold so much truth when it seems to be the inverse of what the Gospels preach? what is it that i am missing?

Is this seriously for real?

i mean, i know the british are strange and all, but this is ludicrous. seriously, i still can't tell if this is legit or not. copy the link and tell me what you think...

http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/rainbow_tv_episode.html

Levy the bard...

i would love to concider myself a poet... only i'm really not very good. i enjoy the idea of poetry, i am really very keen on its ability to transfigure pathos to word for the bard and then back to pathos for the reader. many times, when i feel alone, abandoned and forsaken by whomever, God, my friends, family, ya know, whatever, it helps my to write... specifically poetry, there's just something about it.
i've always like David's poetry in the Psalms. they have always comforted me. i think it's because he didn't have the idea spiritual life either, and, much like me sometimes, he felt alone, left be all around him, even God, to the devises of this world. with that said, i'm sure that is the reason i wrote this poem. there are only 150 Pslams, so, i wrote the 151st, and so on...


PSALM 151


O LORD, how far must i go before i may see Your face?
How long will you withhold your Will from my gaze?
Like a weathered cedar i wait for a glimps of the sun, and for a taste of fresh water.
LORD i so desire to deepen my roots, to spread them to the depths of the earth.

Yet, I do not grow. My roots do not deepen. My buds do not bloom. My leaves turn dry. And my branches wither.

Has the LORD forsaken his beloved cedar?


PSALM 152


Loneliness follows me like a dim shadow cast upon a white-washed wall.
Why does the sting of death mean nothing to me, yet the mere thought of being alone chokes out my joy like a weed to a rose?

Who can bring me out of this valley of want?

Not since Adam's deep sleep has a man been as willing as i to part with bone simply to know the flesh of a partner.

Nevertheless, doomed is my fate. A surprise? No. Fitting? Of course.

LORD, help your servant hope, help your servant trust, help your servant love.

Anyone know at what temperature skin melts?

i was involved with the extinguishment of a two story house fire this morning, and it went fantastically. until, that is, my bunker gear failed and 900 degree ambient air coursed through a slit in my flame coat, leaving second degree burns all over my shoulder. it hurt. a lot. i got home about an hour ago, popped the blisters, scraped out the wound with anti-bacterial soap and a sponge, covered it with some sterile bandages, and now im sitting here typing this with a bag of frozen, organic corn wrapped around it to control the pain and heat still radiating from it. ahh, i love my job!



mmm, pretty in pink

Antichrist or antifreeze?

i'll tell ya who i think the Antichrist is... Bono, from U2. i mean seriously, look at the evidence: well, i don't really have any per se, but i mean, seriously, think about it.

I tell ya what i like...

i seriously enjoy crocheting. man o man, you are no man until you crochet... am i right? guys? huh? eh? how 'bout you sideburns? you want some of this milk?

and ice cream... man, ice cream is way good.