Question...
is anybody else sick of 'that guy?' i swear, no matter where i go, or where i move, or whom i am with, he always manages to show up. i don't understand. how does he know where i am ALL of the time? doesn't he have a job? is someone paying him to piss me off? the worst part is that you always know he's gonna show up, you just don't know when...
one day he decides it would be prudent to pull out in front of you, nearly causing you to careen into the ditch on the side of the road effectively ending the life which he obviously deemed unworthy of existence. another day he thinks it would be wise to sit through two cycles of green arrows because he is too busy searching the passenger side floor for the new 'oprah book of the month club' novel he picked up from borders.
i should give him some credit though... not only can he stymie me in his car (which tends to be a decrepit, ratty camero), but he manages to do it in myriads of public places as well. he's right there behind me at whole foods with his girlfriend (who, by-the-way, is much too pretty and intellegent to be with him) just waiting and yearning to use the word 'guesstimate,' while trying to figure out how many seedless grapes he is anticipating to purchase. wait! now he is in line in front of me at chipotle, he wants to order a chicken burrito... with half pinto and half black beans... and double chicken... wait! no, sorry, how much is double chicken? wow... uh, yeah how about just the regular amount of chicken then... oh, you put it on already? well, can you just make me a new one then? so yeah, regular chicken, but i still want half and half beans... SHUT THE HELL UP!
why would someone do this to me? i, i don't think i have any enemies... i mean, there was doctor francis wellington, my arch-nemesis... but i defeated him years ago... our flagrant hostilities came to head 4 years ago at the edge of mokpo peer on the southern tip of south korea (that, of course, is another story in and of itself.)
reguardless, whoever 'that guy' is, whether friend or foe, he obviously has it in for me...
so a caveat to the rest of you... keep your eyes open and watch your back... 'that guy' is always looking for new catch in new waters... in fact, i wouldn't be suprised of he already has sighted in on some of you...
i just want him to leave me alone...
'cuz i'm either gonna end up dead, or with a severe ulcer...
one day he decides it would be prudent to pull out in front of you, nearly causing you to careen into the ditch on the side of the road effectively ending the life which he obviously deemed unworthy of existence. another day he thinks it would be wise to sit through two cycles of green arrows because he is too busy searching the passenger side floor for the new 'oprah book of the month club' novel he picked up from borders.
i should give him some credit though... not only can he stymie me in his car (which tends to be a decrepit, ratty camero), but he manages to do it in myriads of public places as well. he's right there behind me at whole foods with his girlfriend (who, by-the-way, is much too pretty and intellegent to be with him) just waiting and yearning to use the word 'guesstimate,' while trying to figure out how many seedless grapes he is anticipating to purchase. wait! now he is in line in front of me at chipotle, he wants to order a chicken burrito... with half pinto and half black beans... and double chicken... wait! no, sorry, how much is double chicken? wow... uh, yeah how about just the regular amount of chicken then... oh, you put it on already? well, can you just make me a new one then? so yeah, regular chicken, but i still want half and half beans... SHUT THE HELL UP!
why would someone do this to me? i, i don't think i have any enemies... i mean, there was doctor francis wellington, my arch-nemesis... but i defeated him years ago... our flagrant hostilities came to head 4 years ago at the edge of mokpo peer on the southern tip of south korea (that, of course, is another story in and of itself.)
reguardless, whoever 'that guy' is, whether friend or foe, he obviously has it in for me...
so a caveat to the rest of you... keep your eyes open and watch your back... 'that guy' is always looking for new catch in new waters... in fact, i wouldn't be suprised of he already has sighted in on some of you...
i just want him to leave me alone...
'cuz i'm either gonna end up dead, or with a severe ulcer...
posted by Lord Milton Pepperbottom III at 8:29 PM
3 Comments:
No, but his sister (mother? grandmother? cousin?), "that bitch" always manages to find me at Sprawl-Mart, or Dairy Queen or she's cutting me off outside the plaza or she's almost rear-ending me in her '91 gun metal grey Fiero (they stopped making those for a reason, yanno) because she's too busy yammer on her flip-phone to her boyfriend about how she wants him to pick up some tampons for her because he's just an emotionally secure guy who can do that sort of thing for her.
HA! yeah, i've heard about her, but i've only met her in person a couple of times... all i know is that thier gene pool breeds like it's going out of style. tough luck for us...
Yes, but there are times when... you know... you just have to BE 'That Guy' or 'That Wench' (as I affectionately refer to her). It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde moment, you can feel it coming and try to prevent it. Other times, you think that if you can only clear out as many civilians as possible during the fallout, it will be okay.
Case in point: I had a really annoying thing involving a return on one item and a sales substitution on two others that I had to do at a sporting goods store. It was post-Christmas and most people were either redeeming gift certificates or doing similar things, but none as complicated as mine. I decided to let everyone who was in line behind me go ahead as a sort of good will gesture, but by the time I finally got to the counter, another three had lined up behind me. I let one more guy go, and briefly pondered letting the rest go, too, but realized that I might get stuck in some sort of "Twilight Zone episode meets Purgatory" scenario, so I decided to go ahead with my transaction. I tried to be as clear to the cashier as possible, but sure enough, it took her forever to figure out what to do. She even had to call in a manager. By the time it was finally finished, several more people had lined up behind me, and I could just SEE them thinking "Oh great, I've encountered HER again." I smiled apologetically, and went my merry way content in knowing that I had just saved a bunch of money on my new ski pants. It was the best I could do. In the future, I'll try to be more understanding when I encounter That Guy or That Wench.
Post a Comment
<< Home